My Life Just Had An Unexpected Twist …
Yesterday, my life had an unexpected twist. My completely secure job, that I loved and that I had been doing for exactly one year this week, ended with no notice. The contract was withdrawn by the company that supplied the work and myself and my colleagues were made unemployed with no notice. I still had to work the rest of the day though, which was very difficult. To say I was upset would be an understatement. My jumper was soaked with tears by the time I had finished. It was a home based role, which is perfect for me and they are not easy to find. It was also my households only source of income at the moment, so things just got very scarily complicated and seriously worrying in terms of staying afloat.
Yesterday I cried on and off all day. I worried what we would do to survive. I worried how we would pay the bills this week. I worried how I would feed us. I worried how I would keep a roof over our heads. I stayed up till 2am trying to work things out. I watched my husband panic and increase his job hunting with even more vigour than usual and my heart broke for a man who desperately wants to work and provide, but who no one will give a chance to.
Things were not always this hard. Up till seven years ago we both worked and had secure jobs. Without explaining too much, we both gave up work to care for my grandma after she had a massive heart attack at our house one weekend. She was completely disabled by it, with end stage heart failure and diabetes coming as a result, and we cared for her till she died 16 months later. After that, we struggled to get back to work. No one wanted someone who had a break in their CV, we were grieving and recovering from all we had been through and things got very tough. We ended up on benefits (welfare) briefly and we almost lost our home. Since then we have been slowly rebuilding and trying to get back to normal, but it hasn’t been easy. This job was the light at the end of the tunnel that was going to get us back on our feet and mean the end to foodbanks, scraping together change and worrying each week where the rent was coming from. And then yesterday happened …
Last night when I got into bed, I told my husband that I was going to have a long lie in today. I wasn’t intending to get up early at all. I was going to lie in bed, maybe watch a film and just wallow a bit. Nothing wrong with having a pity party every now and again, especially when life feels hard work. I decided to watch the film I turn to whenever I feel down “The Pursuit Of Happyness” and then I was going to read the book that goes with it “Start Where You Are”. I have mentioned both of these before, they are both the work of Chris Gardner who found himself homeless with a young son, while trying to pursue his dreams in business and life. They motivate me because I see how you can go from nothing to something really big. The last few years of my life have felt and still feel like we’re at the rock bottom point and my dreams are just that – simply a dream.
Then I realised, I don’t have to watch someone else’s rags to riches story – I can live my own.
Why do I spend so much time wishing I could realise my own dreams, when I am the only one that has the power to do it? Why do I read books and watch films about how other people found their happiness and not put any effort into finding mine? When am I going to realise that I am not going to wake up one day and find everything is better, everything is good, the fear is gone and I am living the dream?
In the book “Start Where You Are” there are two lines that really stand out for me. “Start with what you have in your hand” and “The Cavalry ain’t coming” Both talk of how you need to get going with whatever resources you already have as no one else is coming to bail you out. You might be reading this and thinking that your situation is worse than mine and maybe it is – but that’s just the thing, we are all fighting a battle that no one else knows about. We have to use what we have, no matter how small it may seem and we have to practice self reliance and self motivation. For those of us who are Christians, we also have to use the difficult times to draw even closer to Christ – no matter how difficult that seems. Trust me, I know how hard it is when you are struggling and the Lord seems a long way away. For my husband, I see how he cannot get his mind around the idea of a God that loves us and yet allows us to struggle and suffer and my heart aches to show him that it can still be true, especially when I keep losing sight of that truth myself on the hardest days. Knowing that God could step in at any moment and relieve all our difficulties but yet doesn’t, is one of the hardest things to explain to anyone struggling in their faith – all I know is that it will have an end result that will be worth it.
So instead of staying in bed today I got up. I got dressed, I made breakfast and I got started. What I “have in my hands” is a love of writing and this blog space available. I have always loved writing from a very young age and I have always wanted to write and earn a living from it. I know that blogging is not a quick fix or an easy way to earn, but I intend to use the resources I have – the internet and my love of learning, to find out everything I can and to start working towards that dream. In terms of “The cavalry ain’t coming” there is more pressing issues of finding some income to keep us afloat now. Blogging won’t do that for quite some time, even if successful, so I have to keep looking and getting inventive in ways to raise some funds. I have no idea how yet, but that is also a job to look at this weekend.
I am under no illusions that things are going to be easy. Just because I am suddenly feeling motivated and inspired doesn’t mean there won’t be dark and difficult days ahead. Things don’t improve overnight and in some ways, it’s about to get a lot more difficult as I stop having pay days now but sadly don’t stop having bills. I don’t know what lies ahead but I know who is able to guide me through, even if right now my faith feels even smaller than a mustard seed. If you’ve been in a similar situation, please share what helped you in the comments below. Please share encouragement, your stories, what your dream is and how you made it through the tough times – maybe you will help someone else more than you could ever realise.
Thank you for reading xx
If you haven’t read “Start Where You Are” then I highly recommend that you do. You can buy it from these affiliate links here –
The film “The Pursuit Of Happyness” is available at these affiliate links here (Or watch out for it on one of the film channels, it’s inspiring)